Killing Perfection
by Instant Noodler
Summary: Are you single? Or are you in a frustrated relationship? Why does he always act so uninterested? This is the ultimate relationship guide for all the ladies out there! Everything he did screamed "he's just not that into you" to her but everything she did screamed "she's not interested in you" to him. Maybe they're the exception and not the rule? Maybe... just maybe.


Hey guys! So I've been writing a lot of depressing things lately... as you all know... Why? Because I'm angry at all men in the world, as most single ladies are. Maybe not... If you read my story, "The Annulments," you'll know that I hate flutists. The first boy who took me to a formal back in high school was a flutist... well, 5 years later I still loath him. That's just one example. I ordered the self help book, "He's Just Not That Into You," and let me tell you that it's a bitter but good guide.

Well, this is going to be a humorous, light-hearted, typical, and just for fun story. We'll see how it goes. I'm just doing this for fun. At times it might sound bitter and whiny. You have been warned. I really don't hate men that much, haha. So please, refrain from flamin'.

* * *

_"A woman often thinks she regrets the lover, when she only regrets the love"_ - François de la Rochefoucauld

-x-x-x-

It's true. Most women regret the love more than they do with lamenting their lives wasted with unworthy men. The love was the problem. They gave their hearts out, and then got nothing in return. In the case of Hokkaido, she loved the romance but regretted the men, even more so than the love. How unfortunate, right? Even she did find the perfect man, though, misunderstandings and misinterpretations could lead the romance downhill. At the moment she found her perfect romance, violins sonatas weren't playing and swans weren't flying by, there was no way of knowing that he was her Mr. Right. Well, let me get to the epic moment of how they first met.

-x-x-x-

"I'm sorry, Rin," there was reservation in his voice. She held the phone closer to her ears and waited for him to continue. She still had an optimistic smile on her face until he began again. "I think you deserve better. It's not you, it's me. I really like you though."

She frowned; this was a line she heard too many times; way too many. She was tired of all of their lies, excuses, and deceptions. She had heard it all.

In fact, she was an expert at this; Rin Hokkaido would be more than glad to break it all down for you.

~v~

**When he says:**It's not you, it's me.

**What he really means:** It's not you, it's the sexy bombshell I'm taking out this Saturday night. Hm... yup. Not you.

**He could also mean: It's really you. Let's get real.**

~v~

**When he says:** You're too good for me.

**What he really means:** I'm out of _your_ league; actually, I'm too good for you.

~v~

**When he says:** I just need a little bit of space at the moment.

**What he really means:** You're too clingy; I'm thinking of getting a restraining order too. Please, leave. I can't do all those fun things with my bros while you're around.

~v~

**When he says:** We should really start seeing other people too.

**What he really means:** In fact, I already am.

~v~

**When he says:** We're really not connecting / We have nothing in common.

**What he really means:** You're just freaking boring, woman.

~v~

**When he says:** We've grown apart.

**What he really means:** Everything you say makes me want to stick a fork in my eye... or yours for that matter. Alright, now you're just a crazy woman.

**Also:** I want to make this sound like a mutual breakup. I didn't really breakup with you; it's mutual and you've agreed to it so don't try to murder me while I' sleeping at night. Oh, and I want the keys back to my apartment, now.

~v~

**When he says:** It's best if we just stay as friends.

**What he really means:** Please woman, that's the same thing as telling the person I've just kidnapped, "Let's call each other some times!" After this, I'm "un-friending" you on every social media and blocking your number.

~v~

**When he says:** I'm not really ready for a commitment right now.

**What he really means:** I want to keep my options open so I can sleep with other people. I've already slept with you and it's time for me to move on. How about that hot best friend of yours?

~v~

**When he says:** I'm not sure what I want out of our relationship.

**What he really means:** You're my backup to my booty call so please, I'd like to still keep you around.

Men. They were all so typical. Couldn't they just get a little bit more creative? You'd think they would have already realized that the ladies had already figured them out. If you're going to dump a girl over the phone, you should be at least a little bit more creative than that.

~v~

"Actually, Bankotsu, I called to tell you that it's over between us, I'm not interested in taking our relationship to the next level," Rin smirked. Finally, she had the upper hand for once. Now she could go on about her life without constantly thinking that she was the one who got dumped. For the record, she dumped him.

"Oh good, that saves a lot of explanations on my part. I'm so glad you understand, Rin. Listen, um... is that friend of yours... what's her name... Kagome! Kagome Higurashi, right? Do you think you can give me her number?" Bankotsu sounded relieves and immediately asked for her best friend's number.

_'What an ass,'_ Rin cringed. That wasn't the reaction she was hoping for. She was expecting him to be outraged or something but actually... he sounded relieved. Suddenly, she didn't feel so good after all. She actually liked Bankotsu; he actually met 12 out of the 15 things on her checklist._ 'At least he isn't trying to break up with me through a text message like the last guy I dated.'_

"Goodbye, Bankotsu," Rin didn't let him finish. She glanced at her phone in her palm and touched the end call button with her thumb. Now, she was going down her contact list... _B... b... Bankotsu Yomada. Delete contact. Confirm._

Rin took another sip of her ice tea and leaned against the high bar table of the coffee shop with her elbow propping up her chin up. She just got dumped. Woah, woah. Hold up there. She did not "get dumped." She clearly "dumped" him.

_'No you didn't. You called him to follow up on your last date to tell him about what a great time you had and he initiated the dumping.'_

Rin was having an internal conflict with herself. Dammit. She wasn't even convincing enough to full herself. Subconsciously, she would always know that she was the one who actually got dumped. God, why did it always happen to her? Was she not pretty enough? Was she not smart enough? Was she not hot enough? Not funny enough? Not good enough? Not confidant enough? Not competent? Womanly? Amazing? Accomplished? Too clingy? Too emotional? Too needy? Too desperate?

The last time she checked she was more than qualified. She was beautiful, funny, intelligent, accomplished good-natured, young and gorgeous. At 24 years old, she was a top graduate of Keio, a hedge fund manager, owned her own house, her own car, and she had the figure of a runway model. She seemed to have everything going for her but her non-existent love life was in a disastrous league of its own. She would rather not talk about it, ever.

She didn't need a man in her life to confirm her worth. She was just fine on her own. She was a little Miss Independent. She needed no man. What man? The single life was perfect. She loved her single life. Oh yes, she did.

_'No you don't. Sango's engaged. Kagome has a new boyfriend who adores her. You can't even get your girls to go for a spa day anymore because they are all hanging with their men.'_

Maybe it was time for her to lower her expectations? Yes? No! Of course not! She was the Rin Hokkaido. She never lowered her expectations. She wasn't a desperate loser. She glanced down at her wristwatch. Oh great, lunch break was over. Time to return to the office. Ugh. Rin grabbed her pile of files and hopped down from the high leather stool.

She turned around maybe a little bit too fast.

_Wham._

She dropped her stack of client portfolio files. Oh no. Dammit.

She crouched down to gather the scattered paper. She reached for the manila folder and felt another hand touching her finger and grabbing the same folder. She looked up and blushed. The man was so handsome: beautiful silvery hair and unusual golden eyes. She withdrew her hands in a hurry and nodded apologetically. She couldn't make a sound; it was almost like the cat had gotten her tongue. She could only stare with her mouth agape.

He too was in a shock. There were bags under his eyes from hours of work. His shift had just ended minutes ago and he was just coming down to the coffee shop for caffeine. He wasn't paying attention to her while she was coming in; he was reviewing his patient files until he had bumped into her and dropped his stack.

-x-x-x-

And that, folks, was how they met. I'll spare you the details now. You know what went on from there. Boy meets girl, sparks flew. Sesshomaru and Rin were destined to be together so they fell in love, got married, and moved to a beautiful home in a suburb and had two children, two cars... and a dog.

No.

It was like that then there would be no story to tell, duh.

You see, the mentality of dating haven't really changed from since we were five years old and playing in the sandbox: the boys are still not great with expressing their feeling and the girls still fail to interpret the boys' petty subtle little hints. Well, that's a generalization because some do break away and become the pros in the game and play it like real adults do but let's face it - Sesshomaru and Rin are the rule, not the exception.

Some professions have broken it down for you: 13 Signs that he or she is just not that into you.

~v~

**He's not that into you if...**

1. His parents were in town, and he never told you

2. You always end up at his place, but he never comes to yours

3. He acts sketchy about leaving his phone around you

4. He takes forever to respond to texts or calls

5. He doesn't like committing to plans

6. He went to his friend's birthday party / major event and didn't invite you

7. He's looking at other women when he's with you

8. He closes email or computer the second you walk into the room

9. He doesn't make space for you at his house, even though you're there a lot

10. He's super affectionate in private, but in public he won't even hold your hand

11. He only comes to see you after midnight

12. He pulls a disappearing act

13. He forgets important things you tell him

~v~

**She's not that into you if...**

1. She says she's not ready for a relationship

2. She never returns your phone calls

3. She avoids eye contact and proximity

4. She mentions other guys she finds attractive

5. She tries to set you up with other women

6. She doesn't laugh at your jokes

7. She is always vague about making plans

8. She regularly cancels plans with you

9. Her description of the perfect man sounds nothing like you

10. She's secretive

11. She doesn't dress to please you

12. She hangs with other guys

13. She keeps her place secretive: she doesn't let you roam around at her place

~v~

Most of the time this list is pretty exhaustive and accurate. However as with all guidelines, many of the things listed here are negligible and are open to various interpretations and adaptations.

Well, let me tell you: two years, three months, three weeks, and six days later since their first encounter... Sesshomaru and Rin landed in the buddy zone. There's nothing wrong with that, correct? Anyone would be lucky to marry his or her best friends, right? No, honey, it's only cute when it happens in romantic comedies because the screenwriters only have so much time to convey a romance and people love happy endings... and they have to make their movies appeal to a certain audience to get their projected return on investment. Anyhow, this will be a love story told by both sides. On one side, you have our incredibly gorgeous Doctor Sesshomaru Takahashi and the other, the magnificent Miss Rin Hokkaido.

So it begins...

* * *

Hm... just something light-hearted and just for fun. Don't take all of this too seriously, ladies and gentlemen.


End file.
